There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
