I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
