oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
God I need to hump something, right now.
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