Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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