the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
