I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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