Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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