I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
