The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
