Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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