My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
