so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
