I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize