There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize