honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
