he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
