Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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