Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

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(856): View more from New Jersey

She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"

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(573): View more from Missouri

Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it

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(612): View more from Minnesota

We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.

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(407): View more from Florida

Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it

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(207): View more from Maine

Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.

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