There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
