i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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