Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
