haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
