dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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