She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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