btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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