Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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