If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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