I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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