dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
