I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
