you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
