Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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