He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
