Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
