I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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