How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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