Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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