i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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