I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
