why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
