omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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