i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
