He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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