i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
