im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
