I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
