i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
