FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
