i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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