did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
