i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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