my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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