so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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