How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
