The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
