how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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