thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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