gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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