Ketchup is God's man juice
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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