I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize