but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
