I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
