Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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