The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
