Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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